What did I do with myself?

Yesterday I was cleaning out some boxes in the basement and I found a box that had my graduation stuff in it, some pictures from school, school dance pictures etc. I was going through the stuff and I felt a sadness.... not because I miss high school ( I actually hated it), but because I look back and realized that I pretty much did nothing! I wasn't a good student, I wasn't involved in the athletics, I wasn't a dancer, I can't play a musical instrument, I didn't do choir, I was unable to really pursue any art at that time.... What in the world did I do with myself!!!! The one and only thing I can think of that I did that I was proud of was I won the top Interior Designer Award for my high school..... but it wasn't like there were a ton of people even in the Interior Design program in high school.....

Here I am, 26 1/2, and I have a strong desire to learn how to play the cello! Call me crazy, but it is something that I would love to do. Will it ever happen? I don't know. It would be difficult with my girls and there is always the money factor of purchasing a cello, then you have to pay for lessons. If I did it, I would have to stick with it..... and I am realizing that their isn't much that I have stuck with in my life.

I was telling James about how I felt after looking at all of this stuff and he told me "You are a good mom and that is way more important than any of those things." It made me feel a little bit better, but I wish I would have done more with my life growing up. I now realize all of things that I missed out on back in my school days.... I know I am still young and there is definitely time to do things that I want to do, but nothing is easy when you have kids.

I will often sit and think "If money weren't an issue, what would I do with my life?" Now I'm not talking about run off and travel and buy a plane or helicopter, but what would I do with my everyday life. For example, I would love to take some classes. I want to learn more about energy work and how to improve myself more. I want to take some cooking classes, specifically pastry or dessert type cooking classes. I want to take the course Dressing Your Truth and go on a shopping spree afterwards and feel great about myself once again. I want to find a workout class that I enjoy and take it..... There is so much that I want to do and I feel stuck like I can't do any of it because of money and because I am nursing a child. And the thing is, I am only going to continue having kids and nursing so the timing isn't going to get any better for me. I love being a mom and I wouldn't trade it for the world, but I want to find ways to better me as a person and to find my own identity outside of just being a mom.